The Art Of Stealing!

Well I finally got the phone call that I’ve been half dreading. It was from "The Diva" (my fag hag for the last 15 years, Amanda).

"How come there aren’t more stories and dedications about me like the one you wrote about Oliver."

Well Diva your wish is my command.

The majority of our misadventures always seemed to involve stealing items from public places and trying to one up each other with our pirates’ booty.

The first item we swiped wasn’t very original, but it set the ball in motion. The Diva stole a Grey Pupoun jar & we processed to drive around town asking passers-by if "they would like some Grey Pupoun."

After that the ante needed to be upped. So one night when we were at the old nightclub where Oliver worked, Friends’ Landing in Haverhill MA, The Diva was admiring the table top Christmas trees. So the next night I went to club alone and proceeded to slyly take one of the trees off the window sill and shove it down the front of my pants. While the security guard gave me a look as I was exiting, he did not suspect what was down my pants. I guess he just thought I was happy to see him. Then I drove to The Diva’s house and left it in her driveway for her to find the next morning.

Not to brag but I did have better skills when it came to swiping items than The Diva. Because one Halloween she decided, she wanted to steal a pumpkin off the front of a store. Well she grabbed the pumpkin and began to run with it down the parking lot. Needless to say she was carrying the pumpkin by the stem and it proceeded to break. The stem wacked in the chin leaving a bruise and the pumpkin bounced down the parking lot.

However The Diva’s skills did get better. As on one faithful night she was out drinking with her friend Teresa while I was home sleeping. The two of them commiserated and stole the cardboard cut out of the Killian’s Beer girl from the bar. They then drove to my apartment, knocked on my door and ran behind the bushes . When I got to the door, half asleep mind you, it took me about 10 seconds to realize that the girl at my door was cardboard. At that moment, The Diva & Teresa jumped out from behind the bushes and yelled, "Gotcha!"

So concludes this first but certainly not last chapter of "The (Mis)Adventures of Then Diva & Her Divo".