In Defence of My Blog Once Again!

So a friend on mine gave me some advice recently. He told me when I’m applying to jobs, especially ones that involve writing, I should not make reference to my blog. I asked why because it not like I’m that vulgar on it. He agreed but then pointed out the employer might think I’m some wack job who can’t write. OUCH!

Now no where in my blog have I made reference to this particular friend to even warrant an insult like that. Even the blackberry guy I picked on after our date, read my blog and said I was an awesome writer. And he certainly had better cause to be harsh than my “so called” friend.

I’m sorry, but I really was upset and feel I need to defend my blog. I also feel it needs to be praised for its brutal honesty and openness. Come on, I give myself just as big an ass whipping as others on here.

Yes, there may be a grammatical error here and there. And the flow may be a little off kilter. But like I stated before IT’S A BLOG! I’m not writing an article about the financial decline of the economy for The “Fuckin” Wall Street Journal.

Come on, look at Rosie O’Donnell’s blog. She gets hundreds of hits a day and the big dyke can’t even form a declarative sentence.

Yes, I’m sarcastic and a tad mean spirited; but so is Kathy Griffin. She has her own show to make fun of people and they give her a freakin’ Emmy for it.

Which leads me to another pet peeving person & personal inspiration for starting the blog, Perez Hilton. He who does nothing but talk about celebrity C-listers on his blog. Now he gets his own segment on VH1's I Love the New Millennium. Which by the way I should be a good fellow fag & point out to Perez, blue is not a good color for his hair. His head looks like a Smurf with diarrhea just shit all over him. But we shouldn’t waste too much time on Perez. Being I’m sure his 15 minutes will be up soon enough and he’ll be begging to join Celebrity Fat Camp.

Yes, I know the show is call Celebrity Fit Club. But really now, 99% of the “celebrities” that go on the show start out fat and they leave just as fat. Then that 1% take the extra cash they got from appearing on the show and go to an all you can eat Chinese buffet and gain the weight back, if not more.

So to close, let’s reinforce the lesson. If you are going to piss Kevin off, you’ll inspire his creative juices. While I may be a good Christian child and not mention names, you will however end up on the blog!

Needed Another Insprational Video!

The Queen Is Back!

No I'm talking about Uncle Kevin, Lexie!

I'm referring to Donna Summer!

And it’s about flipping time!

As I posted a while back my first and longest lasting diva obsession has been Donna Summer. And finally she has gotten up off her lazy bum and release, Crayons, a FULL ALBUM OF NEW MATERIAL since 1992's Mistaken Identity.

Don’t worry, I still love Ms. Summer and I only playfully tease her about that lazy bum. But come now for the past 16 years she’s been releasing greatest hit albums with one maybe two new songs which the clubs just kill after the 3 or 400th time they play it.

We just have to rejoice that we now have 12 new fantastic butt shaking anthems to dance to well in to 2009 & beyond.

Don’t make us wait another 17 years, because Lord knows by that time I won’t be able to shake my ass like I do without a little hip replacement.

Good Thing I'm Not Holding My Breathe!

Here we are on Day 5 of my stand off with Netty. She has not called me & therefore did not budge to call her.

However, Jack did call me on Tuesday, alas I did not answer the phone. I did call him back though after he recruited a little assistance from Cheryl. So Jack and are on speaking terms, but I am still ticked that he is smoking and not taking better care of himself. So for now I feel it is best he does not take the jaunts to Haverhill to see me. He won’t be using me & will have to find some other avenues to sneak some smokes.

As for the riff with Netty. This one’s a little stickier. Since the recent incident took place in Sean & Christine’s house in front of Christine’s family, I feel they are owed an apology and assurance that it will never happen again. However, Sean & Christine are both back to talking to Netty without that promise.

So I’m on the fence here. Since Netty made a spectacle in front of Sean’s family, I feel maybe I don’t have the right to stay mad at her. But on the flip side of that, due to other incidents in the past months an apology just isn’t enough. As Netty may be on good behavior for a few days maybe even weeks but then the cycle will just get repeated.

So I think she needs to learn that no matter how old you are, you still have the ability to change.

S-T-A-M-P! Wish I Was A Superfriend!

I always wished that when times got tough or if someone really pissed me off, I
could be like Apache Chief from The Superfriends. You know when time got rough he'd just yell, "Enen Chuck" or something like it and he would grow 50 ft. and
stomp your ass.











But alas, I don't have those powers so I'll have to track back and post the new song from an even earlier obsession for inspiration.

Sticking By My Guns: Cuz I'm The Man!

I know it’s a lame title for the post. But, I watched the original 1980 Gloria over the weekend. (With Oscar nominee Gena Rowlands not the inferior 1999 remake with Sharon Stone.) That was the little boy’s mantra, "I’m the man."

The reason why I am sticking by my guns and being the man is due to the fact I am officially too old and too tired of putting up with Netty & Jacks bullshit. Until they change their evil self-destructive ways, I will not be going over there so even speaking to them on the phone.

It all went down Sunday evening, when we went to Sean’s for dinner. Jack, Sean, Christine (Sean;’s wife) & Bill (Sean’s father-in-law) were having a few beers and watching the baseball game in the kitchen. Since there was cooking going on, the kitchen got extremely humid, so when Jack got up to leave, he got up too quickly and after few seconds, he passed out and landed on the floor on his back whacking his head on the dishwasher. First, he should’ve known better to not get up so fast, since this is now the third time it has happened. I should point out that the first two times he was not drinking at all.

Everyone was very upset and concern except of course for Netty. She decided that the faint spell was due to excessive drink. Sorry, three cans of beer for an Irishman is not excessive. Still she proceeded to rant and rave about it and acted like she didn’t care. Well no one said anything to her, except naturally for me who told her to knock it off. She only was making a stressful situation worse. Trust me I was not the only one pissed at her, I was just the only one with balls to tell her to cut the crap.

Proving my argument, later that evening, first Christine & then Sean called to see if Jack was alright. They did not call, however, call Netty & Jack’s house phone. They both called MY cell phone. I don’t know if they are speaking to her again but I really don’t care. I’m sticking by my guns and not talking to her until she changes her ways. I know I may never speak to her again. Unfortunately right now her usual "half-assed I’m sorry"is not going to cut this time. Because she’ll give another week or so and cycle will just repeat itself.

Enough about Netty and let’s now focus on why I’m pissed at Jack. Yup, you’ve been reading right! I am also pissed at Jack. First of all, he promised me a while ago he was going to quit smoking and hasn’t. He already has emphysema, as well as had open heart surgery. Yet, every weekend when comes to get me in Haverhill, I can smell the cigarettes from 10 paces. Now, I’ve been a good guy and would give him $10 for gas every week for picking me. Well, if I don’t go over there, he won’t get the extra $10 for the cigarettes.

In fact, when he drove me home on Monday and he went in to pay for the gas, I rummaged through the car and stole a near full pack of his cigarettes from his hiding spot.

Also backtracking to his fall, Jack landed on his back, I told him he better go see a doctor, because another fall like that and his already bad back is really going to get a hell of a lot worse.

Naturally, Jack didn’t want to listen and tried shutting me up by comparing me to Netty. See, when Netty & Jack really want to really shut me up they like to compare me to the other spouse as if that’s the ultimate insult. But, it actuality it really isn’t an insult because, "No shit I act like both of ya. I’m your biological son. So obviously I’m going to pick up a few bad traits."

This last point is the reason why I’m thankful that I don’t have children of my own. I figured as the next generations go, the next is always a little worse then the previous. So if I’m this big of a jerk to my parents, I can just imagine how my kids would have treated me.

We all know, I have my own health problems to worry about. I know if I stop taking my meds or care of myself, I’d be dead within the next year or two. Now that would really be the ultimate "Fuck you" to them and there would be no chance of reconciliations. Then their final years would really be rot with real misery. But, since I don’t have suicidal tendencies, that really won’t be an option.

So after Jack dropped me off on Monday, I called the house phone and left a disapproving message directed at both of them. They are not to call or speak to me until this crap ends. I have enough stress in my life I don’t need to be focusing on theirs.

Naturally, only Jack has called me back, however he did not say what I wanted to hear. I want a message from him saying he will quit smoking and that he called the doctor. I will also want the date and the time of the appointment and the doctor’s name. I just can’t go on his word alone anymore.

As for Netty, I’m not hold my breath waiting for that call. As for anyone who reads this don't even bother contacting me to try to get me to change my mind. It's not going to happen.

Couldn't Make It Up If I Tried!

Watching TV this morning, A commercial came on for a new motorized wheelchair for the handicapped. Now I would never make fun of a hadicapped indiviual, however the homr in commerical is directed towards the inventor. The gentleman's name was Tom Kruse (pronounced like cruise).

I'm not making a crack about that pschyo Scientologist Tom Cruise, either. But come on the inventor of a moterized wheelchair is Krusse, as in cruising around the neighborhood.

It's funny but not mean-spritied funny.

Pulling A Marisa!

I've been reading allot in the paper how Boston is becoming the new Hollywood, since allot of movies are being filmed in the area. So I decided to submit my resume to the Mass. Film Bureau. Being that I have writing and tv/film production under my belt, I thought it might be worth a shot.

Well speaking of shots, I think I aimed one right for my foot. They sent me an email saying there were no openings at this time but they would keep my resume on file for a year. Then I was surfing around their web site (mafilm.org).

I never realized how many famous people were from the Mass area. Jack Lemmon was from Newton, for instance. Well this is where I may of gotten my self banned for the Boston film industry. I reviewed their list of Academy Award nominees and winners. There were so my typo, disorganization and misinformation. I proceeded to pull a Marisa Tomei in her Academy Award winning role in My Cousin Vinny & sent the bureau a list of all the misinformation and made the appropriate corrections for them.

Come one all this useless shit (I mean information) stuck in my head has to be used sometimes. Maybe they will hire me to work in their research department?

Was this a bad thing?

Beverly Leslie Is An Author!

Now Kevin Matthew Brady is one too!

So I finally took a day and transferred all stories to my Word program. Now what I can do it cut and paste them into a more consistent order. So instead of just being posted at random as they pot into my head, I can organize them. That way they can flow naturally and possibly be turned into a book.

Come on now, we all know I can't be sitting around waiting to become famous before I write a book or memoirs. Plus, the job market is a total joke right now. So I have all this time to do it.

Then I can turn my life into a more global one man show, as opposed to just making friends and family laugh with my humor.

See my backwards philosophy is start out think large and then let it dwindle to something smaller.

Kids Say The Naughiest Things! (Especially W/ Kevin As Their Uncle!)

Another good reason for me not being around Netty & Jack’s too much this past weekend.

Sean’s girls (my nieces) were there. Mind I love being around them and we fun together. But unfortunately their new favorite word and obsession is "penis". And with my off color sense of humor, if they continued I would gotten in big trouble.

At dinner Friday night, the 5 year old just blurted out the "p" word. I can’t recall the context of what the word was used in just the fact that she said it, I nearly chocked to death on the slice of pizza I was eating at the time. Netty proceeded to give the disapproving look & that I really shouldn’t be finding it so funny. So if I stuck around I was either going to die for hacking or Netty was just going to flat out kill me.

After that episode, I composed myself I thought I’d be good for the duration; but then after Netty left the room the 7 year old proceeded to tell me that Sean’s penis looks like a big upside down mushroom with two big muffins behind it.

I know I’m blessed with Mimi’s off color sense of humor, but there is just something in life I go on not knowing about.

But don’t think for one second I can get away from all this "dirty" talk by moving to the west coast to live with Cheryl and her kids. Her kids are just as sassy.
When I was there a few months ago, I was hanging out with her 5 year old and her same aged cousin. As I was sitting minding my own business playing a video game. (Yeah I know I’m 35 & still play video games.)

Well my niece decided they were going to play princess party. She the proceeded to tell her cousin, she was to be a princess and her cousin was to be a princess. She paused for a second and then retorted, " And Uncle Kevin’s a big queen."

I nearly choked on the piece of gum I was chewing and ran out of the room to reprimand my sister for telling stories about me. Seriously though, that was the highlight of the trip to California & still cracks me up 3 months later. Thanks Kids!

On Marblehead!

Maybe, I really do have too much time on my hands to reflect. As sit here today and think about the weekend, it amazes me how on Saturday, I had an absolute blast at the parade, marching and seeing friends I haven’t seen in years (Wetley, Ed & Jim); as well as making a few new ones (Scott, Mark, Keith & especially Gary) I hope.

Then spending Sunday at Netty & Jack’s was a total role reversal.

I felt it was best I did spend the weekend for two reasons. First naturally since it was Father’s Day this past Sunday & Jack has really stepped up to the plate & been there for me these past few months. I felt I should be there to honor him. Second, I just didn’t want to leave Sasha all alone for so long on Saturday while I was at Pride.

Saturday, I got to be the person I always wanted and felt I should be. I was outgoing, witty & funny. I conversed in conversations that held my interest. Then Sunday, I was back at Netty & Jack’s and I was back in that shell. Everything that came out of my mouth, Netty took offence to or took it out of the context of the conversation. Also it didn’t help that On Golden Pond was on TV that day. I really felt like the Jane Fonda character. Away from Marblehead, I’m the person I want to be and everything that gets thrown at me I can give it the good “cock” block. But back at 17 Carol Rd. I feel that disapproving glare or hear that tone in Netty’s voice and I get the sense that I’ve disappointed her somehow. And I still can’t shake that feeling or stigma.

I do have to pat myself on the back though. I am making some strides in dealing with Netty. On Saturday before Netty left for Weight Watchers, she asked what time I was leaving the house. After I told her, she stated in her that “holy than thou” tone of hers, “Just be street smart, Kevin.” I paused and just retorted with an, “OK!” Even though I really just wanted to slap her.

I guess I just have to remember that when dealing with her, it will always be a continuing work in progress and it’s OK to just take baby steps with it rush it. Just keep my cool and go with the flow.

Sing Loud & Proud!

Got Pride!

I know I do!

This past weekend was the first Gay Pride I’ve been to in years. But more importantly it was the first one I’ve been to since my HIV and seizure diagnosis. So I felt I had to do it up right. I went to Netty & Jack’s the night before so Sasha had a place to stay while I spent all Saturday in Boston.

Not only did I go to the parade, but I also volunteered to march with The Male Center. I got to hold one of the AIDS Action flags (it was the red flag), as well as hand out condom and lube packs to the crowd.

I had a blast as marched. OK maybe I wasn’t the best at standing in line with the other flag holders, but I made up for it in getting the crowd all riled up, with "hoops" & "hollas"!
However, I did break the rules once. There was a cute guy standing way in back on a monument and he reached out his arm for me to throw a condom/lube pack to him. So tossed him one & luckily he caught it. But the rules were we needed to hand them out not toss. Which in my case make sense. Since we were marching to promote safe sex, it really would defeat the purpose if I flung a condom/lube pack and knocked someone unconious before they even got to participate in a sexual act.

WHOOPS!

Like Cockroches & Cher!

Looking back on the past set backs of my life, I often would wonder why am I still here.

First I had to deal with Tourrette's or a tic (whatever the doctors or Netty want to call it).

Then I had to deal with being gay.

Then there was the HIV/AIDS diagnosis.

Even though all these things kept piling up, it wasn't until the seizure disorder that anything really was taken away from me. ( car, licence, some independence.) In spite of all of it, I am still here! Why?

Could it be just my nature? Could it be that when Mimi was on her death bed& we sat there just the two of us, I promised her it was OK to go be with Papa because I was going to be OK?

Who Knows?

And from this point forward after today, Who the hell cares!

I'm not going to let it rattle mt brain any more!

I'm just going to accept the fact that whatever gets thrown at me, I'm going to give it a good "cock" block and bulldoze forward.

All we have to do is add one more thing to the old adage. When a Holocaust strikes there are now going to be THREE things left standing:



Cockroaches



Cher



&




Kevin Matthew 'Freakin' Brady!

Dusting off Some Dusty!

Clousure With Netty!

Well thanks to Leslie Jordan, I think I can finally get over my clousure with Netty and our issues.

Listening to Mr. Jordan speak of his issues with his mother, I realized that was another thing we had in common. So I decided I would follow his lead to the best of my ability.

Netty is 65 years old and I am just wasting time trying to change her and get her to see things in my perspective. It just takes too much out of me and usually to no advil.

So the next time Netty and I squabble, I gonig to remind her that not only is she old and can't change her ways, but I am no longer a spring chicken either and as each day goes on I realize I am becoming the man I was destined to be. Therefore I can not be changed.

So we must work together and accept our differences and not try to change each others' ways.

Because as Sissy said in Sordid Lives:

"It ain't a workin!"

Thanks again Leslie Jordan for giving me the opportunity to see the error of my ways!

Depending On What Was Needed!

Yesterday, when I was sitting listening to Emmy winner Leslie Jordan as he was telling a story about buying underwear for a famous actress, I thought of the times when I assisted Mimi as well as a couple drag queens in buying some personal belongings. I’d tell you who the famous actress Mr. Jordan was talking about but I don’t have her permission, plus it gives you a reason to get off your butt and go buy his hysterical book.

But back to Mimi. When I was in college, I worked at Rich’s department store. One Tuesday, I took Mimi there shopping. Tuesday’s were senior citizen discount day. So with that 10% off from that and my 10% employee discount, Mimi got a good deal.

Well Mimi went in the ladies hosiery dept. and bought some pantyhose. When she got home she tried them on and was in love. Well from that day on she would call me at least twice a month to pick her up some more. I would always begged to put other things on the list as I did not want to go to the register with just ladies pantyhose. Plus, Mimi was not what you call petite, so I would constantly get teased by female co-workers for these purchases. My friend Denise even said to me on day, "Aw come on, Kev. You don’t have to lie we know they are for you."
"But Denise I said I’m a petite leg, what would I be doing with queen sized? "
"Use it as body stocking," she retorted.

If the embarrassment of shopping for hosiery was not enough. as Mimi got older her bladder got weaker. So she use to send me to the local drug store to pick her up some Depends. Again when ever she would place her order with me she only had that one product on the list and never needed anything else. Unfortunately, at this time department store and the job was long gone.
So I had to shop for the incontinent product amongst strangers. Well, to save myself the embarrassment of just buying the Depends, I would proceed to buy out half the store is crap I did not need.

I have to admit though, Mimi’s shopping assignments came in handy later in life. I was at a local gay bar to watch my friend David perform in a drag show. Well one of the queens didn’t have any pantyhose, so I offered to take her to the local Wal-Mart and pick her up some. Well, when we got there she was too embarrassed to purchase them, because like Mimi, she was not a petite girl. So I snatched the hosiery out of her hands and said, "Give’em here, I buy this size all the time for grandma!" I marched right up the register purchased the hose and we went on our merry way.

Unfortunately, my assisting drag queens was not 100% successful. As there was the time, I was at a party and there was a drag queen there who want to emulate Mariah Carey in her "Heartbreaker" days. You know the phase when she cut off the top of here jeans so they were low riding. Well, since I wasn’t driving that night, I had a few cocktails and offered my services to make the jeans up in Mariah’s style. Well, I cut a little too much off. I proceeded to cut the button off the top of the jeans. Well in hindsight, what I should’ve done was keep the button section on and just do a tuck under.

Well later that night, we all went into the city to a discotheque. That’s when we ran in to the drag queen, who was now three sheets to the wind and using at least half box of safety pins to hold her pants up. Whoops! So, I won’t be participating in the next season of Project Runway.

Oh Good Lord! Shut Up! No You Didn't!!!

These are the many phrases I will hear from my friends after I share this tale. Today, I ventured into the city yet again. This time I started the at The Boston Living Center for a therapy session to work through my previously discussed issues, as well the anger and confusion that followed.

While I was sitting waiting to see the therapist, I picked up the new edition of Bay Windows. While flipping through I saw that Leslie Jordan (Beverly Leslie from Will & Grace) was going to be at Boarders Books to sign a copy of his just published memoirs My Trip Down The Pink Carpet.

Well right then and there I decided, I was going extend my stay in the city so I could meet "Brother Boy" from my favorite movie Sordid Lives.

So after my therapy session I ran to Borders and picked up a copy of his book. Since I had about seven hours to kill before the signing, I thought it was best to do some homework and read as much of his memoir as possible. Well luckily his stories were a quick read and I was done with it in about two hours. So I was able to read a few over again.

What got me most about his stories was how much we were alike, especially in our early formative years. We were both one of eight grand kids. We were both extremely close to our maternal grandmother, even down to the shorthanded conversations we shared with our grandmothers. We also both hated to hear the sound of our "recorded" voices, as we both felt they were too fey. As well as buying ladies undergarments for, but will save those for another post.

After reading the book that’s when I decided not only was I going to get a copy of my book signed & meet Mr. Jordan, but I was also going to hand him a flyer advertising my blog. So he could see how much we shared in common.

So when the time came for his lecture and book signing, I sat there before he came out and contemplated should I give him the flyer or not. Then, as I listened intently to his short lecture, I recalled a time in college when I went to drag queen RuPaul’s concert.

Before the concert I was listening to "her" CD , Foxy Lady. I remember this song call "A Little Bit Of Love".

After hearing the song over & over, I came up with what I thought was a brilliant concept for a

video. However the night of the concert came and I didn’t not have a cohones to hand her the letter that detailed my video concept. So decided I was not going to make the same mistake with "Brother Boy".

So when it was my turn in line, I walked right up him told him how much I enjoyed his book and I felt a connection with him because several of our stories were similar, then I proceeded to mention my blog and hand him the flyer. I asked him if he had any free time to review it.

This is where I am going to get the most shit for my friends; but also convinced that the seizure disorder & subsequent car accident destroyed the part of my brain that stopped me for making a complete ass of myself. Not only did I hand him the flyer with the blog address, I also proceed to write on it my email address and cell number.

Sweet Jesus, yes, Oliver! I gave Beverly "Freakin" Leslie my phone number!

Job Prospects?!

Today I took my daily walk to Mcdonald’s to get an iced coffee and as I was standing in line, I actually contemplated for a moment about applying for a job. I used to work in Mcdonald’s in high school and I know shift managers make decent money.

Alas, the though, the thought was only for that moment. I standing there all calm and patient waiting for my large caramel iced coffee. When some ignorant old twit of a woman, cut in front of me to complain that her apple pie was defective and she wanted another one. Now, my perception of defective would be a dirty or not properly cooked apple pie. This bitch was complaining because her apple was split in half.

Now you know if I was behind the counter, I would've her, "So if it’s split in two it’s easier to eat. It’s not like you were going to shove the whole damn thing in your mouth. Even though it would probably fit."

So needless to say I am crossing the fast food industry off the list of my employment opportunities.

Out Of Sight , But Not Mind!

Well it’s nice to know after almost a year of being unceremoniously fired from an Putnam Investments, I’m may be out of sight but not out of mind.

I was having lunch with Oliver yesterday, when a former co-worker came up to me to see how I was. It seems that when I had my accident it was posted on a local paper’s internet site. Which I know it was a bit newsworthy so it needed to be reported.

However, it didn’t need to be copied and pasted into a friggin' email and sent to everyone in the company. Not to mention Putnam does have their strict internet policies so the article probably was not on a company authorized web site.

BUSTED!

Now I know how the tabloids feel. Today I need to attempt to write a semi, kinda, sorta retraction.

In my previous post I alluded to a person, whom I went on a date with, where he was on his blackberry 85% of the time. Naturally, being the wise ass that I am woke up the next morning and detailed the experience in my blog. Well a few minutes after I posted the comment, he went on my site and read my comments.
Since we all know how much I love my Law & Order, I need to present my arguments.

1. I didn’t say who it was I was out .

2. I did embellish about cruising the restaurant for other prospects.

3. He said he was gonna shut the damn thing six and he still on it after seven.

4. My comments were still witty and others got a laugh. Plus I got to write about other things
other that HIV & Seizure disorders.

5. My comments were still witty and others got a laugh.

Lastly, on the plus side he did say I was an awesome writer, even though he did attempt to send me a letter he wrote to show how I could be a better one.

In closing, when it comes to the style and form of my writing. Remember kids, I writing and your reading A BLOG. Not Ladies Home Fucking Journal!

Texting Tidbit: The Art Of Multi Tasking!

I know we are well into the 21st century, but there are just some technological advancements that I refuse to comprehend.

What the heck is everyone’s fascination with texting? Is it just me or isn’t easier, cheaper and definitely more polite you just dial the number and talk on the phone? All got to do a little speed dial and hold phone up to your ear and chat away. You don’t have to type & type the conversation.

Plus you really do need the skill to multi task to be a proficient texter.. When I worked at a flower shop, I would be the passenger in the van while my coworker would drive and type at the same time. I would have to hold on to the dashboard for dear life.

Bt my biggest pet peeve is when you go out with someone, especially a date and they are on their phone or blackberry while trying to hold a conversation. I recently had a date and whole time he interrupted me or tried to pay attention while texting at the same time. If you need to make a call excuse yourself from the table. It only good manners. That way you won’t see me scanning the bar or restaurant for someone more interesting.

Also, then I won’t have to show you my expert multi tasking skills. See I can eat a slice of pizza with my left and use my right to shove a blackberry up a date’s ass without skipping beat. Now that is skill!

For Sasha!

With all my mood swings and frustrations with the job hunt & seizure disorder, she's the one who's always there with cuddles and kisses!

Sasha Is My Glory of Love!

You've got to give a little, take a little

And let your poor heart break a little.

Thats the story of, thats the glory of love.

You've got to laugh a little, cry a little,

Until the clouds roll by a little.

That's the story of, thats the glory of love.

As long as there's the two of us,

We've got the world and all its charms.

And when the world is through with us,

We've got each others arms.

You've got to win a little, lose a little,

Yes, and always have the blues a little.

That's the story of, that's the glory of love.

That's the story of, that's the glory of love.

Sweet Jesus! July 23rd! On LOGO! I Can't Wait!

Watch Out Netty!

I can always relay on Netty and her fat mouth to say something inappropriate that will revitalize my wit and sarcasm.

She may even piss me off enough to spark one of my stress induced seizures. Although I think I'm on enough drugs that we can rule that out at the moment.

I’ve been tweaking my resumes lately. I have two versions. One that details my college and professional skills. The second highlights my health care skills as I was instrumental in the care of my grandparents as they got older. I also feel if I pursue a career in this area, I might be more mentally and spiritually fulfilled.

However due to my HIV status, Netty feels I should not be allowed to do certain tasks, like preparing meals. Well she need to realize this is not an issue due to the fact I won’t be cutting myself and bleeding all over a patient’s food or will a patient ever get in direct contact of my blood and/or semen for that matter.

So Netty really needs to try a bit harder when it comes to how and what to say for me. Because the future is going to look pretty bleak.

As I mentioned in an earlier post Netty & Jack like to fight over who is going to expire first. Unfortunately it’s sad to think, but with Jack’s health issues and how he takes care of them, I going to place my money on him taking the trip to the great beyond first.

This also poses a bigger danger to Netty. You see I figure in about another 10-20 years, Netty is going to need a little extra care and assistance. I don’t expect Cheryl nor would I want her to disrupt her life to come and provide that care. And as it is now, despite Netty’s perception of him, Sean doesn’t want anything to do with her.

So the responsibility will fall upon Kevin. And when it’s time for Kevin to care and prepare meals for her the "A" word Netty needs to worry about won’t be AIDS. It will be Arsenic. Cause I’ll poison the bitch.

Because let me tell ya folks, lately it is taking too much out of me to just forgive and forget and just ignore Netty when she shoots her ignorant mouth off.

It Ain't A Workin For Me!

Here's a clip of the trailer for the 2008 remake of the 1939 classic The Women



I'm sorry, while Jada Pinkett Smith has same moments, I don't think this has the snap, crackle, pop of the original.

Take a look and compare.

My Travels With Hedda!

Sorry Kids! I can't share my Hedda story here.

Not because it's too scandalous.

It's just too large and fierce of a story to condense in a blog.

I'm cultivating & fleshing it out into a screenplay!

I Can't Sing! I Can't Dance! Yet I'm Not Famous!? Dammit!

What Now?

Yesterday I went to unemployment to apply for Section 30 and see about and extension. What Section 30 allows you to do is extend the unemployment checks if you are in an approved training program.

Naturally, however, I don’t qualify because you need to sign up before your 15th week and I’m on week 26. Now, I only have 6 more weeks of unemployment checks. So I proceeded to have a meltdown right there in the office. or what I like to refer to as a Shirley Maclaine moment. (WatchcTerms Of Endearment again & and you'll know the momemt. "Give my daughter the shot")

What? I figured if I expressed my emotions clearly & vulgarly it might trigger a seizure and then maybe someone would see that this seizure disorder isn’t a bunch of BS. Alas it didn’t work. It might be due to the doctors’ upping my medication to 1250 mg twice a day.

I have to be honest, this life is really getting to me. I’m running out of time, options, and I’m not getting the answers I’m looking for.

I keep watching the news and getting updates about Ted Kennedy’s condition. I’ll admit while I don’t want tumor or brain cancer & I do feel bad for what he is dealing with. It’s nice though that he knows what his diagnosis is and can do something about it. All I can do is take my medication and pray I don’t have another seizure.

Some days I just get so pissed that I’m doing everything I’m suppose to be doing and not getting anything back in return.

Living In The Dark Ages & Modern Technologies!

With all of today’s technological enhancements and advances, it’s still nice to know some of us can still get away with pulling fast ones.

I am referring to the inability of Netty & Jack to learn how to use the caller ID on their phones. It seems that my niece Kendall has picked up the crank calling skills of her Auntie Cheryl. From what I was told Kendall and her BFF Perry swiped Daddy Sean’s cell phone and dialed my parents’ house. Kendall, being the smartie that she is, squeezed her nose to disguise her voice with a nasal tone & advised Jack of a awaiting package for pick up at Melrose Post Office.

First Jack answered the phone and Kendall informed him that the package waiting for Netty at the Melrose Post Office. Jack then proceeded to hand the phone to Netty.

After about 10 minutes of Netty denying that she had ever ordered anything, She finally figured out that this was a prank phone call. Good Call, Swifty! Nothing gets past Netty!

I mean when Sean calls me, his name and number comes up on my caller ID.

So when I am back in Marblehead, I will demonstrate to Jack how to look at caller ID and the redial option on the phone. But he will have to promise not to pass this new found information onto Netty. If he does then I won’t be able to bust Netty and she’ll be able to delete the person is gossiping to about what a pain in the ass her son Kevin is.

Meds & Mood Swings!

I started my day yesterday with my doctors’ run. First I went to the neurologist. They basically told me nothing new. Still got the abnormal brain. (Well No shit! I needed a neurologists to tell me that?) We are still classifying the episodes I have as seizures. They did however up the medication by 250ml just to be safe. We still want that licence back. I don’t know what for anymore? It’s cheaper in the long run for me to take the commuter rail. HA!

Then it was off to the HIV doc. All went well there. He said my weight was ok but I still needed to gain . He also said he is writing the report for disability and detailing very throughly my "unpredictable seizure disorder".

I also made him aware I would not be moving back in with Netty & Jack. I told him how they were concerned with my anger issues about my ordeal. He said he didn’t think of me as having anger issues. So I rehashed the story of Netty’s gossiping habit and the baby monitor. Then he agree that maybe I do have some anger issues that need to be addressed. So the less I involve myself with my parents’ petty dramas the better I can focus on my own.

After the doctors’ run, I went on a little job hunt. First I went to Improper Bostonian, and got the email addy of the managing editor. Just walking in was improper I guess. Well it is the Improper Bostonian, so I didn't go about things in the conventional manner. NO?

Then I saw a sign that said casting. So I walked into that office. Well the sign did not say what the casting was for. So when the girl came out and I inquired about my visit, she stated in a very uppity tone that they were only looking for girls. I advised here that the sign did not signify that. Then I point out that if she is looking for people with cunts it’s best not to be one. Whoops, there goes that anger issue again.

(Sorry ladies for my use of the offensive "c" word, but I felt it needed to be spelled out to add a stronger dramatic effect to the story.)

Then I shelped downtown to the Bay Windows office and dropped off my portfolio. The editor was unable to see me due to the 3 deadlines she had to meet. See that she should’ve taken the five minutes to see what a great writer I was and then hire me right on the spot. Then I could’ve helped her with the deadlines. Hopefully she reads this and sees the intended humor in this paragraph dedicated to her.

All in all it was a pretty up & down day emotionally trying to find a job and learning not much else about my condition. Just that it needs to be monitored.

So now I’ll see what today brings. I have to go to Social Security and ask about a section 30 . So I can be trained in other fields and make me more marketable in this job field. Oh Joy!

Happy Birthday To The Blog!

Happy Birthday To My Blog!

I've Reached 100 Posts!

Woo Hoo!

Denise, It's Not That Complicated!

I can't believe I am sitting here watching E!'s Denise Richards: It's Complicated. But more importantly I can't believe I'm agreeing with a ditz like her. What's up with all the pigs though?!?! They're driving Sasha crazy & she's trying to jump into the TV.

So her girlfriend set he up with a "nice" guy instead of her preference for a "bad" boy.

Yes, Denise! The guy that she set you up with was a big flamer!

Hey, I should know. I call them as I see'em.

Bad Gay!

I know I'm a bad homosexual. I blew off the AIDS walk today.

I'm sorry I had to have a couple beers after my niece's recital, last night. Then when I got home I then proceeded to down a large vodka stinger. So I needed a stay home and chill day. Plus I have doctors' appointment all day tomorrow and don't want to overexert myself and sweat off any more weight before tomorrow's weigh in.

Aw come on could you blame me. There were 47 numbers and my niece was only in 2. Don't get me wrong I loved watching the little girls. They're fun because then don't care about the choreography rehearsed and they just go out and bust their own moves. They're little divas in the making. Ha!.

It's the older girls that are rough. Don't get me wrong be your size and be proud. But if you are a certain weight and really can't dance to begin with, you really should not be out on stage in a lycra or a tutu. I saw less sagging tits and cellulite on the cover of the National Enquirer's Best & Worst summer bodies.

But here was the real downer and put a damper on the whole evening.

I guess if I had a choice it could of been worse. Ten minutes before the show started the lady right behind me dropped dead.

So naturally all the middle aged woman from Melrose, who have no medical expertise, had to hover around and tell the professionals what to do.

Finally I turned to Sean (the cop) and inquired if he brought his gun with him. So he could shoot the ignorant people.

What?!?!? I would! It should be illegal to be that ignorant and stupid. I'd shoot'em.

It's A Me Day!