Let The Anger Rise!

Well, I have to say it’s a good thing for the blog that I’m staying at Netty & Jack’s this week. I know a lot of these posts are just here to get me out of a bad spell and don’t really clarify my true emotions, reasoning or feelings. I post a YouTube clip or video when I feel blue, but I feel I’m gypping the reader and/or myself by not detailing the facts or feelings behind the clip.

Besides Netty & Jack’s computer is way to slow to be adding graphics and videos. So now I’m going to take this opportunity to detail the anger and frustration I am feeling. That way I can move on from it, but also the people close to me know what exactly is pissing me off about my situation.

First off, yesterday was my court date. The judge as well as the officer agreed that I did everything according to law in their eyes. So, if I don’t have a traffic violation form now till the 18th of November. Piece of cake since I don’t have a license. Also by the doctors’ rules if I don’t have another seizure in that time frame the six month time table won’t need be reset.

I was aware of this going into the courtroom and prepared myself for this outcome. So this is not the incident that pissed me off. What got me upset was my brother, Det. Sean Brady, was suppose to meet Jack & I at the courthouse. He was supposed to stand by me when I went in front of the judge.

Did I tell anyone yesterday that this is the reason I was upset? No I didn’t. Why should I? It only would've gotten me more upset because if I expressed my feelings, especially to Netty, I would've gotten the “Sean is very busy” speech.” I was in no mood to hear that again. I already heard it once when I wanted Sean to help me move my stuff back to Haverhill the first time I left the den of Netty.

Plus, I didn’t enough energy yesterday to bite my tongue. I would've just caused another riff between Netty & I, because I would have reminded her that if the situation was different and if one of Sean’s brothers’ by law & not blood or if my last name was Berrigan (Sean’s in laws) were in my giving situation, I am sure Sean would have moved heaven and earth to be there.

No, I’ll hold my tongue and wait till the faithful day when it’s Netty’s turn to be upset at Sean for doing something for the in-laws and not her. Besides I know that time will be soon enough. Since Netty likes to piss & moan about here problems to me, that’s when I’ll go in for the kill with a “shut the f*** up!” Or I might even threaten her by telling her I’m going to withdraw all my saving and 401k money and use it to get a sex change. Hey, I figure if I get myself a pair of tits & a twat that might entitle me to have a hair growing across my ass!

Also I am a little pissed at Netty for our open discussion about me moving back home for a time. Netty made it clear from the get go that she is set in her ways and wants thing done how she wants them done and nothing is to change that. The problem doesn’t lie in me not understanding that. Trust me I do. The lynch pin is that if I come back into the house for I time, I want to be coming, going & living as I please without “Negative Netty’s” input.

What age does one have to be to declare are set in their ways & are too old to change?

I’m a different person and grown up since I left home at 28. I know I was at times a little out of control especially on the weekends, going & staying out late partying. That’s what part of our 20’s is for. I’m fast approaching 35 now. I want to be more focused. I am more determined in making choices that are going to improve and fulfill my life and not settle for just anything to get me by. It’s only going to cause me more anger & resentment.

As we all know I’m a bit more open mined than Netty and I look at life in a bit of wider spectrum. I really don’t see Netty keeping her mouth shut and allowing me the opportunity to grow and experiment, even though I offered to pay rent to keep her opinions to herself. (Netty is asking for $75 a week.)

So I’m thinking now isn’t the time to come back in to the den. As the weeks of unemployment checks are winding down & I may be piss ass poor, but hell I still have 100% of my freedom.