Sex And The Mimi!

Before you all get sassy with me about conducting a post linking my elderly dearly departed grandmother & sex, you need to read the post fully to understand the hilarity it brought me and my friends when I would share these next few stories. Hopefully you will find the humor in it as well.

First lets start with the day Mimi inquired about my sexual prowlness. To be more direct the day she asked me if I was still a virgin. I was about 15 years old give or take a year. It spring and the weather was getting nice out and it was time to change the storm window from her front door and replace it with the screen window.

Mimi always had a special knack for saying what was on her mind, although she was also had the knack for inappropriate timing. She asked me the big question as I was taking the heavy storm window down. Due to my shock and embarrassment of interrogation, I dropped the storm window on my foot and nearly broke my big toe.

Then there was the one Thanksgiving we were over our Uncle Bobby & Aunt Marlene's. My aunt's friend came over with her new dog to show off and my aunt's dear friend Linda, (RIP, Love ya) stated, "If I knew animals were invited I would have brought my cat." To which Mimi replied, "That's OK honey, at least you brought you're pussy."

Well thank the Lord I knew the basics of giving the Heimlich maneuver, because my brother Sean, who was sitting next to me nearly passed out when his apple pie went down the wrong pipe.

Finally,it was time to get Mimi back for all the embarrassment she cause. OK well embarrassment was what the adults in our family would call it; us kid referred to it is ROTFLOAO.

One Sunday morning Netty was in her usual Joan Crawford mode cleaning the house, when she was in my brother's room making his bed properly. In Netty's rule book on "How To Make Your Bed Properly", for some reason you need to go under the bed. While she was under there she stumbled upon a videocassette with some 80's comedy written on it. So she placed it on my brother's desk. When I came upon it, I inquire what was it doing on the desk, because due to my own expertise the art of snooping, I knew what was really on the cassette (yes, a porn). My sister, Cheryl said Netty found it on Sean's floor and we were going to watch it that night after dinner with Mimi. Well I warned Cheryl of the real content on the tape and advise it wasn't a good idea. Well Cheryl though it still was. So after dinner Netty & Jack (Dad) were upstairs hanging curtains. Cheryl placed the tape in the VCR and pushed play. Well, Mimi let out a scream, "What the hell is this!" At that time our parents ran down the stairs and Netty inquired, "What's a matter, Ma." At this point Cheryl had already pushed stop on the VCR and while the porn was only on for a matter of 15 seconds Mimi proceeded to give a full detailed description of what she just saw on the screen. "Your daughter put this movie on and there was a guy butt-ass naked with his whatskey (Yiddish for penis) hanging down with his face in this girl's ponani (Mimi was married to an Italian.) Mind you at this stage in Mimi's life she had a habit of asking you the same question 3 or 4 times in a matter of 30 seconds even though you responded each time with an answer, yet when it came to watching a dirty movie she could remember what was on the screen with a photographic skill. HAHA! Gotta love Mimi!